Monday, December 28, 2009

A New Year...

A new year is upon us -- years past I used to begin the new year with the thought of what it may bring us. I would wonder about all my loved ones. What direction would their lives take them, newly married, babies waiting to be born and who would pass away. Last year did I know my sister would pass away? No, I had hoped and prayed so much for a miracle that never came.

Last year was a very sad year. It was long, but short.

I will remember the happy times, too. My youngest son graduated from high school and is going to college. He is in a relationship with a very nice young woman who we adore. My oldest son is producing 3-4 programs for tv. And our daughter has now been accepted to USC to complete her Master's Degree much to her husband's and our delight. And my husband -- Honey, you've always been here for me. . . and I thank you.

2010 -- I will not wonder anymore. I will wait with patience to see how our new year develops. I will be here for my children, my husband, and my family to love them, cherish them, help them, listen to them and pray for them. This is all I can do.

Did I lose my faith this last year? Yes, I think I did, but only for a little while for where would we be without it? Losing a family member, especially a sister is the saddest thing that can happen to anyone. She was my dearest sister and best friend. She used to make me laugh. I miss her hugs, her laughter, I miss her.

I chose the picture up above to symbolize the love I have for my husband and he for me. I have cried with him so many times and he has always been here to comfort and remind me that God loves us so. I held on to my sister's hand so much during this last year and now I will hold on to my husband's hand for the rest of my life ... and continue to adore him with all my heart.

We begin a new year with new prayers for each new morning. But one prayer is constant -- that our Good Lord continue to bless us and care for us each and every day.

I love you sister.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone. I've been on Facebook for a little while - such a nice "invention" when it comes to communicating with family and friends. I'm able to write small notes to our nephew in Afghanistan (not sure I spelled it right), to family in Maine, Idaho & throughout CA.

It's been a nice Christmas with our families. My sister is always on my mind and I miss her, but I realize we will be ok. Spend time with my mom this last week decorating my dad's grave - something I never did before, again because it was my sister who would go with my mom. It was nice. I told my mom we should probably do it earlier next year so my dad can have the decorations for a longer period of time. I'll have to make a note of it on my next year's calendar.

My sister is always in our conversations - we miss her so much. We get weepy, but then we continue with life.

Tamales are still cooking downstairs - last batch. They came out so good this year. DELICIOUS!!!!

God bless you all.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Good Morning

Today is Sunday, December the 20th. Where has the time gone? Last weekend to do any major shopping. Look how beautiful the sky looked from outside our home. I was amazed. I took the picture then went downstairs to make some coffee. Wow, it was such a gorgeous morning. We are blessed.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Christmas Lunch

We celebrated a nice Christmas lunch with my mom and little brother today. It was a beautiful day.

In past years my sister would put together a Christmas dinner and we were always present. I almost let this year go by because it didn't seem right to "celebrate" without her, however, I needed to do it for my mom. All my children went and it was such a nice afternoon. We had a good time. Lots of goodies and the lunch was delicious.

My sister would have been happy. We miss you. . . and love you.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


I have some really wonderful friends who are the most caring people I have ever known. They actually made me feel happy today -- a genuine happiness that I had not felt in a long, long time. I think I'm getting better -- a more lighter feeling of life.

Christmas is around the corner and I am feeling excited about it again. Cookies! I'm making cookies tonight -- M&M cookies for my next door neighbor teacher :). Brownies for my other neighbor teacher and chocolate chip cookies for everyone else who is near and dear to my heart. And I am watching Fa-la-la-la Lifetime while I bake!!

Christmas was my sister's best holiday -- she went all out with the decorating and baking and cooking. I will be happy for her. I love you, sister.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Sisters . . .

Currently reading "Three Weeks With My Brother" by Nicholas Sparks. A very nice book. Nicholas Sparks is one of my favorite authors. I think I've almost read everything he's written. I have his last two books waiting in line for me. Recently I saw "Nights in Rodanthe" on HBO -- I liked it a lot. His style of writing is very easy to follow and I tend to get caught up with the characters. This book "Three Weeks With My Brother" although written in 2004 was one of his books that I kind of pushed to the side because it didn't hold my interest. But then when my sister passed away I thought I would like to read it. Family - that's what it's all about. It's kept me enthralled from the first page. The love these two brothers have for each other is amazing. It warms my heart. I can't help but remember my sister and remember how dependent I was on her when we were young and even as we got older I depended on her for many things like taking care of my mother. Being there when I needed her.

Right now I am at the part where they are parting. Nicholas Sparks and his little family are moving to North Carolina (where many of his books have their settings at) and he is saying good bye to his brother. They hug each other and tell each other how much they love and will miss each other. You can feel their pain.

And. . . .

My little sister is moving back to Phoenix after this week. I will miss her so much. We went to see them on Sunday, had dinner with them, and drove by the beach. We cried, we hugged, and we told each other how much we loved each other. It's hard to let her go - our reassurance is that she's only 5 hours away. We'll be ok. The heartache of missing our sister is so evident in both of us. I understand her and vice versa. It will take time. Brothers and sisters are special, but for me, sisters are especially special. They are your best friends.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Lovely Birthday Dinner

Went to have dinner with the children to celebrate our oldest child's birthday. Her restaurant of choice was a sushi place here in our town. She loves this place and the owners know her and her husband so well. She said they go there once a month. The food was great and interesting. I tasted things I had never tasted before. Some of the fish was raw - I didn't take to that very well, but the sushi itself was delicious. Does that have raw fish, too? Hmmmm...

We had such a wonderful time talking and laughing. The owners were kind enough to bring us complimentary appetizers because they know our daughter and son-in-law so well. At the end of the dinner, they brought us fried ice cream -- delicious!!!! This was a surprise, too.

Such a nice time. We are so blessed.

Did I say it's been raining all day? Time to get cozy :).

Monday, December 7, 2009

Time Passes . . .

It's been awhile since I have posted. Not that I didn't have anything to say, but more that I didn't want to say anything. I go through phases in and out of thoughts -- happy - sad.

Today our first rain storm arrived and it was COLD!!! I like the rain especially if I can stay home under a warm soft blanket next to my Honey watching tv. That's ideal :). However we don't live in an ideal world so I take second best -- in my classroom with my little ones. A teacher friend of mine brought her 1st graders in with mine because one of them had thrown up in her classroom. I put a movie on about Arthur and they were so excited. I rarely show a movie -- work! work! work! I tell them :). We let them sit for a half hour to watch the whole movie. It was a nice break from the routine. I love my little ones -- they are so appreciative. I have a very good class this year.

Most of our Christmas shopping is done. We have our own children give us their Christmas lists early in November and we begin our shopping. We've been doing this for years. It began when they were small and they would cut pictures out of Toys-R-Us catalogs and glue them onto a paper. Now it's all computerized with links to the exact item -- uhhh, children -- we still like to see the actual picture with the list. No time for links! Just kidding!! We'll catch up one of these days!

We went to a Candlelight Service of Remembrance for my sister and dad this last Saturday. It was very nice but so, so sad. The words from the Pastor were beautiful, the singing touched my soul, and the pictures of our loved ones were "heartbreaking." I'm glad we went for my mom, but I don't think I can do it again. It hurts too much.

The Christmas season is upon us again. I'm trying... But like the Pastor said, "It's ok to not be ok. I'll take that and understand that it takes time. Lots of time. I miss my sister. . . They say time heals -- I'll be patient.

God bless my wonderful family and friends for being here for me. You are wonderful.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

A Beautiful Day . . .

Christmas is in the air -- it makes me smile.
We (my honey and I) took a ride to Riverside today and walked around the Mission Inn area. Bought flowers, apples and cinnamon bread for tomorrow's coffee at the Farmer's Market. Browsed the antique stores and gift shops. I loved all the Christmas decorations already in abundance throughout every shop. Everyone is preparing for the "Festival of Lights" which will be held on Friday, November 27 at 6:15 and continue trough January 3rd (got the little flyer :). It was such a nice day.

Friday, November 20, 2009

A day with my mom . . .

Spend the day with my mom today -- dr. appt., beautiful fall flowers to my dad at the cemetery, shopping and lunch.

My mom took me to this store called Win-co up in the high desert. It was pretty amazing to say the least. Good prices and so much variety. I know we have one or at least a couple down here in the valley, so I'm going to take my daughter there to shop for our Thanksgiving dinner.

We had a nice time together, lots of good conversation -- we miss my sister and this was evident in all our conversations. My mom is a very strong person . . . Sometimes I don't know how she does it.

I read other blogs and lots of them are happy blogs with children and families. I hope to get there eventually.

I look forward to Thanksgiving and having my kids home. They are always such a joy. This will be my "happy" day. :)

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Funny how Thanksgiving is around the corner, yet I see Christmas things everywhere. I'm not complaining -- I'm ok with Christmas specials already so that we can start shopping, but my gosh -- I feel like everything is being lumped together. Hubby and I went to the mall in search of a little momento (like a favor for their table setting) for each of our children meaningful to giving Thanks and especially being thankful to them for being here for me and for each other during this past difficult year. Lo and behold the Thanksgiving aisle at Hallmark's had been reduced to a few small end shelves and Christmas was in abundance. What to do, where to go? Hmmmm....

Upon leaving, sitting right in the middle of the mall was Santa Claus!! Wow!!

I just thought the whole scenario was funny. We barely have left Halloween, Thanksgiving is about two weeks away and Santa is already here. :)

I think I'll go buy my Butterball turkey and look at fall leaves falling from our tree. Oh, and put out our Fall wreath!!!

Thursday, November 12, 2009

A very nice birthday . . .

Today was my birthday . . . I woke up this morning and thought of my sister and how she always called me first thing in the morning to wish me a happy birthday. And . . . she always took me to lunch at Denny's. If we couldn't make Denny's she would bring lunch to me at my work. She always remembered my birthday. I felt sad, and as I got up my husband said, "Happy Birthday, making coffee?" Yes. Went downstairs and on the table was a beautiful box with a note next to it. It was from my husband. He had written a lovely happy birthday note and in the box was a gift set of Chanel No. 5. I was so excited. I have wanted this perfume for so long. Absolutely love it! Ran back upstairs, he pretended to be asleep, but was listening for me the whole time. I gave him a big hug & kiss. So sweet!!!

Received a lot of happy birthday calls from family and friends. Later on my son and his sweet little girlfriend made a chocolate cake for me. It was delicious!!!! They also gave me Nicholas Sparks' new book "The Last Song," and the card they gave me was so endearing. I am so blessed.

And because of my son being sick with the swine flu our older two children said they would wait until the weekend just in case -- precautions :).

My birthday has come and gone. It has been nice.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Flu in our family...

So my vacation has started out busy by buying a car for our youngest son and coming home to find him sick. Took him to the emergency room last night because his fever was 102.8 degrees and his heart was beating so fast. The nurse recommended we bring him in because of his asthma. Here we go -- put him in the back seat of his new car, his sweet little girlfriend in the front with me and we were off. Upon arriving at Kaiser, we were ushered into the room with lots of beds and he was immediately diagnosed (after a few questions, pressing here and there and the condition of his body) with the H1N1-better known as the swine flu. They quickly hooked him up with an IV for fluids and nutrients since he was very dehydrated and given medicine to help with the nausea plus help him sleep. He fell asleep so quickly. It was good to see him sleeping -- he had had a bad night the night before. We got home at about 2:30 - 3:00 this a.m. I was so tired. Thank God for his little girlfriend -- she was so helpful and attentive to our son. I could not have done it without her.

This morning he woke up refreshed and rested. I was so happy to see him like that. He doesn't remember a whole lot about last night. The doctor told us we brought him in early enough for them to treat him and send him home. He can't go to school or work for at least 7 days. But that's ok. I'm just so glad he's better. What a scare!

And now I'm exhuasted. Going to watch a little bit of t.v. and go to sleep.

Thank you Lord for all you do for us.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Dia de Los Muertos

These are some of the pictures of my daughter's alter in honor of our loved ones who have passed away. She has made an alter for "Dia de los Muertos" for many years and has recently been invited to display it at the museum in Riverside, CA. She is so creative in the way she sets it up adding to it and displaying it in a different way every year. This year, however. my sister was included. It was one of those moments that I had to be strong.

She decorates her alter with sugar skulls, candles, pictures, flowers and some of their favorite foods.

In the foreground is the Pan de Muerto. Up above is the Pan de huevo. The sugar skulls are made by her and decorated by all of us. We get together every Halloween night, order pizza, and decorate the sugar skulls in preparation of this event.

In our culture, "Dia de los Muertos" or All Saints Day is an opportunity to honor our loved ones who have died -- we dedicate this time to them. Thank you, mija, your alter was beautiful and so meaningful. I'm so proud of you.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


Sometimes I wonder about life and it's many ups and downs. Often when I am driving home, my thinking turns to my sister and how much I miss her. We used to laugh a lot. I think sometimes I would bother her, but I knew she loved me. She liked me bothering her. I want to call her to hear her voice again. I never thought that I would lose her -- it was beyond my comprehension. I remember the first time she told me that she had cancer. I told her I didn't understand. She said, "What is it that you don't understand?" I couldn't explain to her what I couldn't understand. It was not comprehensible. We thought she was in remission after the first year, but then it came back with such force that the second time she told me, my husband and I were on our way to the beach to celebrate my birthday. We were on the freeway when she called and told me it was back. She had not been feeling well for a couple of months and I already knew when she told me, but had hoped it was not that damn cancer again. She said she was sorry to call me on my birthday to give me such sad news, but thought I would want to know. We did not go to the beach.

Many memories flow back into my mind -- songs I hear, commercials on tv. I never used to watch commercials before -- it was always the time I did dishes, laundry, school work - but when I started staying with her we watched so many commercials -- I got a kick out of them and would laugh out loud which would make her shake her head "Aiii Gloria" she would say. "Oops sorry!"

This last Monday my daughter made her alter for "Dia de los Muertos" for the museum in Riverside. This is the second year she has participated. It is a beautiful cultural event. She has always done an alter for All Saints Day but now shows it along with so many others. This year she included my sister which gave me the saddest feeling because I miss her so-- and it touched my heart to see how much my daughter loved her nina (Godmother).

I know my sister is in a good place with my dad, my little sister and brother, my brother-in-law, grandma, and our compadre, but I sure do miss her. I've heard of people talking about a "new normal" and at first I thought that it was a dumb notion, but as time passes, I get it. It is a "new" normal without my sister in it. I feel like I inch along looking for a semblance of happiness and I find it with my husband and children, with my kids at school, with my brothers and sisters, and with my friends. I keep trying and I keep living. God bless us all. Please keep us in your prayers, especially my mama.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Thoughts . . .

My mom is back from Idaho - so glad. She said it was getting too cold for her. I reminded her of the reason we left Idaho -- the COLD! :) It was so good to see her. Three weeks is long enough. She now lives in North Hollywood with my little brother. "No Ho" they call it. My brother said that North Hollywood is being revitalized. To me it looks really nice. Lots of shops, restaurants, beautiful areas. My mom and my brother have a townhouse near this area. I think it's really nice with two bedrooms, 3 bathrooms. It's roomy, quiet and pet friendly. Good for her two little dogs.
I liked this sign. It's catchy! :)

After we visited with my mama and had lunch (trout from Idaho - loved it!) our son (who lives nearby) took us to see his office. He's a producer. We are so proud of him! It was an interesting tour. Lots of activity that goes on in this building. I personally think he works too hard, but then he says I work harder. This was a small portion of his office space.

Today is Sunday, middle of October. Sometimes I marvel at the beautiful views we get from our home. First thing in the morning, I get up and look outside just to see what I see. Most times they are gorgeous sights. Thank you, Lord.
Four months have passed since my sister passed away. Yesterday I had a good conversation with my husband and he helped me to understand my sadness a little better. I want to say sadness because it's prevailing, but sometimes it's also anger. Anger that I couldn't have done more to help her. Anger that I can't call her anymore, but I take that back - I can call and hear her voice on the answering machine of her cell. Then I cry.
I have faith that she is content now and no longer in pain, but darn it - I miss her! We were suppose to grow old together. And . . . she said we did.
I'll be ok. Time will pass. Happiness will return in possibly a different form, and I look forward to it. But at the present, I can't feel it. I can see it in my children and in my husband, but I can't feel it.
One thing that I'm happy about though is that my report cards are done for the first trimester- yay! and I'll be going off-track in three weeks. I look forward to a little vacation. Rest and relaxation and cleaning my house! :) Oh and our field trip to the Apple Farm on Tuesday -- that will be fun!!
Wishing everyone a good week.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Happy Birthday, Sister . . .

Today is my sister's birthday. Happy Birthday, sister. We love you and miss you -- so much.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

A Perfect Day . . .

We made it to the beach! What a beautiful place! This is a "tuna boat" so called by the locals because all the tourists are packed like tuna :). It looked like fun. We waved and they waved back. It's a ferry ride around the harbor.

I like this picture because you can see a lighthouse out in the ocean, the different boats and especially the old ship, also ferrying tourists.

And there they go! It was amazing to see - such a good replica of those ships in the history books. I want to say galleons - yes?

Terminal Island:
My sister and brother-in-law took us to see a memorial to honor first and second generation Japanese citizens prior to World War II. History has it that after the attack on Pearl Harbor, all the adult males were incarcerated by the FBI and the rest of the inhabitants were forced to evacuate their homes within 48 hours. They were sent to internment camps. The entire village was razed to the ground. This was a thriving village, a seaport with shops, restaurants, homes and schools. In 2002, the surviving second generation setup this memorial on Terminal Island to honor their parents.

Intricate statues of Japanese citizens doing their work.

If you look at the glass image in a certain way, you are able to see what the village looked like in its thriving years.

After dinner, we went for a walk on the beach. I think this is what it's all about. Being with my husband who loves me very much and my sister and brother-in-law. It was good to walk with her and talk. We talked about our sister and our feelings. We hugged, we cried. We have the same feelings about life and we are trying to get through it. With everything that had been going on in our lives, we were able to talk about our children and our hopes for the future. I am so proud of her and what she continues to do in her life. She is my special little sister and I love her so.

One last look before we got ready to go home. So wonderous... I think in our next lifetime, we will come back living near the ocean :).

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Little Sister

Happiness is hearing from my little sister at a time when I really need someone to talk to. I am so blessed. I absolutely love her.

Did not make it to the beach this last weekend, but that's ok, because my honey was home. I love him so.

I was telling my sister that one of the reasons I want to go see her is because I want to face the ocean and just "scream!" Then I think I'll feel better :)! Seriously, I think I need to do just that. Then I'll cry...

Life. So painful.

I'll be ok.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Life continues . . .

Yesterday my VP came in to my classroom, sat down and observed for about 10 minutes. Jotted down a few comments and was on his way. Upon reading, he first complimented my students and their ability to respond to questions asked. Then he asked me, "Can the children see the Theme Board (Phonics, vocabulary, etc.) behind the computers? My first response was "Yes!" Then I started to think about it. My classroom has had the same set-up for years. I never noticed any problems with it, but his question left me perplexed. Came home, thought some more. Then when I got to work this morning, it clicked. I moved the computers away from my Reading area and rearranged everything, including desks. I was amazed by how nice and functional my room looks now. The children loved it. We actually were able to read the Theme board. It took someone from outside my classroom to truly see what I could not. I thanked my VP and he came over right away to check it out. I had heard lots of positive comments about him (he is new this year), but this was the first time I saw how much he cares for our school and us. A good WIN! (That's what he calls positive outcomes :).

Talked to my mom. She sounds good. She found out that a good friend of hers and my dad passed away yesterday. Too much sadness.

Talked to my little sister who lives near the beach and asked if I could come visit her this weekend. My honey is working away again and I need to go somewhere to meditate and regenerate.

When I first met my husband, he used to sit in a quiet way and meditate. I admired that in him because he was gentle and patient. When he was done, it seemed like he could accomplish anything he put his mind to. I need to do this. I feel unorganized, tired, and sad most of the time.

My little sister's home is so near the ocean that you can just walk about ten steps and you are there. It's beautiful and calm. I think it will help.

Thank you, Lord for family and friends. . .

Sunday, September 13, 2009


Do you see Hagerman right above Twin Falls in the southern part of Idaho? This is where I grew up from 5th grade until I graduated from high school. My little sister and her family lives in Gooding which is slightly above Hagerman.
This is the Hagerman Valley. The Snake River winds its way through this valley which used to give us much diversion in our younger years -- fishing especially. Up above on the plateau, my dad used to have some of his farm land. Acres and Acres of farm land. He grew potatoes and beans, some sugar beets, too. (Would you believe I don't like potatoes all that much? I can eat one or two french fries, but that's it -the taste just does not appeal to me. My family loves potatoes :). But I do LOVE fish! Hence, the name of my blog :).

Ahhhh.... the famous Thousand Springs. Beautiful . . . beautiful. These springs come out of the canyon all along the beautiful Hagerman valley. They said they come from a lost river buried underneath the canyon.
My mama left today for Idaho -- she's going "home" for about 2-3 weeks with my little sister. She sounded so excited and happy to be going and I was happy for her, too. A little bitterweet since my sister always took her. She will be visiting with my sister and her family, my cousins, and many friends. I hope she has a good time, no, I know she will, but it will be sad, too.
She thought of taking my sister's ashes since "home" was where my sister wanted her ashes to be spread, but I don't think my mama is ready for that yet. She hopes to do it next year. God willing, we will accompany her.
Tomorrow is the beginning of a new work-week. Have a blessed week everyone. :)

Monday, September 7, 2009

Labor Day Weekend

Nice monsoon-y weather in early August. Stopped to take this picture on my way to work.

Went up to the high desert to help my mom and while I was there the smoke was so heavy that even with the air conditioner on we could still smell it in the house. It literally looked like a fire storm was rolling down the mountain. Upon arriving home, I stepped outside to take this picture. You can see the dense cloud of smoke up in the sky. I live 45 minutes from my mom's house and the smoke had traveled this far. It was kind of eerie. By the way, it was about 7:00 - still daylight.

Yesterday, Sunday, our children came home to spend the day with me (my honey is working away this weekend -- his company doesn't believe in Labor Day, I guess -- darn them!). We had a very nice time visiting and grilling and eating. This picture shows the smoke swirling and wisping through the sky. The smoke is still from the Station Fire near Glendale.

Here we are today. That awful smoke still hangs heavily over the high desert. Thank God my mom went home to Los Angeles early yesterday. She said she could only see about 5 miles ahead of her all the way to the 14 freeway. I just hope our mountains won't catch on fire.
Labor Day has come and gone. It was nice to be with my kids. I love them so. Have a good week everyone!!

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Yummy Caramel Apples... mmmm.....

The apple farm is safe!!!! OMG! We are so tired of these fires and hot, hot days. I am ready for a major cool down. Our little ones at school have not had recess or P.E. in about a week (at least it seems that long). The fire in Oak Glen is 75% out which is really great. What a job our firefighters have. Dedication...

I'm tired. We are in our 5th week of school and we are still moving forward at a fast pace. I definitely need a day off just to relax and veg. I want to sit by the beach and do absolutely nothing == just sit. Then I'll get up, walk on the sand, have a little dinner, and come back and sit and watch the sun set. Then I'll sleep. I need to sleep and not dream anymore. Not for a while anyway.

Labor Day weekend is around the corner. I'm glad. Have a good Thursday and Friday everyone.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Oak Glen

California is on fire again. A fire started yesterday at an area called Oak Glen. It is a village nestled in the mountains towards Yucaipa. Oak Glen is known for its quaint little shops and restaurants. Apple orchards are in abundance.

We take our little ones on their annual field trip up to this area. Our little ones only know the city and they get such a kick from seeing the forest and apple tree orchards. They see horses and cows. They see blue sky that stretches on for miles. It's a beautiful area. We sign them up for a tour of an apple farm that includes a hay ride, a Little House on the Prairie authentic house and story, petting zoo, and the making of real apple cider with an apple cider press. Then they get to enjoy a caramel apple and the apple cider they pressed. It is such an adventure for them. Our tour guides are dressed in the attire of Laura Ingalls. It is literally like a living museum. I take lots of pictures and thoroughly enjoy the day with them.

Well, as of 4:00 or so, the fire was on the other side of the highway. I sincerely hope they can save it. So - so sad.

I heard on the news that it is more than likely arson. Crazy person.

God bless our firemen. They are brave.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Love . . .

My mom gave us my sister's filing cabinet. I have always liked it. We brought it up to the office in hopes of organizing and decluttering.

Everytime I talk to my mom on the phone, my heart breaks. I don't know. I have deep feelings of sadness followed by anger. I don't understand and don't want her to go through anymore pain. I don't think I'm angry at God directly. I'm just angry at the situation.

My mom grew up in Mexico, first in a little rancho outside of Huamantla and then moved to Mexico City with her mama. She often went with her mama to clean houses attending school very little. She left Mexico City at the age of 13 - marrying my dad soon after. My mama had 11 children in all. She has since lost two little ones, my little brother who died as an infant and my little sister who died when she was 2 1/2 years old. She then lost my dad about 15 years ago and now my sister. Why????

We cry together, her and I. We miss her deeply. Everytime I hang up the phone, I cry for my mama and for me . . . and for my sister. I loved her so.

Children, love your parents (we do the best we can), love your brothers and sisters because we never know when they may be called home. I never thought we could lose her - never.

We were going to make it one more time.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

A New Purse!!!

It's amazing what one can buy at Marshall's. I'm so impressed. I needed a new purse desperately since my last one had seriously fallen apart. I was determined to buy one today, therefore, my daughter suggested Marshall's since she likes to shop at this store and on occasion I, too, have shopped there and like what I find. I actually found a leather purse with ample space and pockets for all my things. It is a Liz Claiborne purse which orignally cost 76$ and I bought for 24$. So impressed. I absolutely love it!

Called my mom today, also, and she sounded more happy than I've heard her in a long while. She spend the night in her new townhouse with my little brother and she slept through the night. She said that she is so comfortable there. Oh my gosh. God blesses us so. Little steps...

Thank you for your prayers and good thoughts.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Two weeks in . . .

Two weeks in our pocket. Thank God it's Friday! Two weeks of my new little ones acting very much like the little kindergarteners they were. I give them a good month before they begin to act like 1st graders. They're sweet, though. I think I'll have a very good class this year.

Sometimes, though, I feel like I'm only going through the motions. My heart is not in my work right now. I asked a dear friend of mine how long does it take for us to feel happy again. She had lost her brother about five years ago. She said it takes a long time -- too long. I don't know how my mom makes it. She is sad so much of the time. It took a long time for me to feel happy after my dad passed away. I can now think of my dad, yes-with a little sadness still, but more with a smile of the memories we had with him. But again, I can't fathom how long this sadness will last.

My honey is home this weekend (he is working away) and I was so happy to see him. He makes my life wonderful and I can actually feel like I'll be ok. Tears are always on the verge - a song, a thought, a phone ringing, a memory - many memories.

It's the weekend -- time to regenerate.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Wishful Thinking

Ahhh...wishful thinking. School begins tomorrow. I will meet my 20 new little ones and begin another year. I'm excited, but tired. Long, long day trying to get ready. I think I must have written their names at least a hundred times :).

Two months ago today, my sister passed away. I was very sad all day. But I am so blessed to have many good friends who offer a hug just to hug, a smile and "how are you?" Or just a wave across campus. Good, good friends.

I thought about Pismo Beach and Cambria and how nice it was to be there. Absolutely loved it. We really need to go again-stay a little longer. My honey told me that Hearst Castle is not too far. I think next time we will plan to go there before we get too old :). I heard there is lots of walking involved. A cool place to see.

We are blessed.

I miss you, sister.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Our Get-a-way -- Sheer Bliss

Sometimes for our own well-being, we need to take a "leap of faith" and know that everything will be alright while we venture away from the cares of the world. We did just this when my loving husband said, "Let's go for a ride." We packed a few things and off we went. This is a picture taken as we drove north on the 101. It was breathtaking. Wow! I couldn't believe we were actually here.
We saw so many grape vineyards outside of Santa Barbara. Nice, clean, straight rows that went on and on. Ummm.... a glass of wine sounds good :-).

The view from our hotel room. We got there a bit late. Many of the hotels were booked (we're so old-fashioned - we haven't gotten around to booking ahead), but we did find this small, quaint hotel with antique furniture that was sooooo nice and comfortable. We were so happy. The view was beautiful.

The next day we drove to Morro Bay in hopes of seeing the big rock that comes out of the ocean, but it was quite foggy. We were able to see the base, however, I found these birds to be more interesting. :-)

Beautiful artwork of an angel in Cambria where we stopped for breakfast.

Cambria (Maria, we made it!!!) Oh, it was so amazing. Absolutely beautiful. Lots of walking paths, ocean for miles, seals sunning on rocks and very peaceful. We got to come back some day.

Daughter, I took this picture for you to show you that your "friends" are vacationing, too!!
Overall, we had such a wonderful time. To be able to get away even for a short time is such a blessing, especially to spend it with my "honey." Thank you, mi amor, for these days. Where shall we go next year? :-)

Music of the Heart

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