Good-bye

Life left him last night. He was tired, his breathing labored. His spirit is free now to soar toward heaven and our good Lord who had been waiting for him. Good-bye, Compa, you were always good to us.

Love

What is the value of love? Can there be an amount put to that value? I don't think so because in the end -- there's nothing that can replace what was once there. Love is a feeling felt deep in your heart, in your mind, in your soul, in your whole being. Material things will never compensate for the person you miss. True you can smell a scent left on a jacket for as long as you can and remember when he used to wear it and how handsome he looked in it. You can remember the hugs, the kisses on the cheek, the smiles, the long chats about nothing and everything. But when they're gone it's too hard to understand. Where is that cup of coffee -- that piece of toast?

Life is leaving him and we will miss him very much. I lost my father so long ago and now we are losing another father again and I feel so sad. Pray for us all.

Hmmm....

When I was young I used to love swimming at Banbury's Hot Springs and then have pineapple and ham pizza at Sliger's Restaurant by the Snake River.

When we were first married, we frequented a sandwich place off of Market Street down a quiet alley.

And now . . . I enjoy a chile relleno at a table for two by the window at Cuca's. Thank you, Honey, for your love.

"Dear"

One day long ago, I wanted to come to San Bernardino to visit my husband (boyfriend back then). I lived in Riverside and took the bus. When I arrived, he wasn't waiting for me. I waited for a little while and began to worry. I did not know his mom or step-dad, but I had their phone number. I called and introduced myself and asked for my "boyfriend." His mom told me he had to work late and where was I? I told her I could wait for him -- I was at the bus stop. She said they would come for me. When they drove up I was taken aback by her beauty and grace. His step-dad was tall and strong -- and they were both so nice. They took me to their home and I remember how beautiful it was. A forest green rug with white couches. Gold-colored wall decorations, a huge mirror on one wall and a marbled dining table. I sat down quietly and she quickly invited me into the kitchen. There they were cooking together, talking, laughing. She called him "Dear." He called her "Dear," too. I was so quiet and shy, but I sincerely enjoyed watching them. They were so happy.

I cry and sadness overwhelms me to see him laying in that hospital bed. I want him to get up. I want to say "Hi, Compa!" But he's in a coma. Does he hear us? Is he waiting for us to let him go? Can we let him go? We pray for a miracle -- we want to prove the doctors wrong. "...Thy will be done . . . on earth as it is in heaven." It's so hard to let go.

Sadness

Sometimes when I hear a song - a beautiful song, melodic - I feel I can fly over the treetops free of worry and sadness. Then reality sets back in and I know this is but a glimpse of wonderment. My step father-in-law, our compadre, was in a serious car accident last night. We don't know if he will make it and we leave him in God's hands that the good doctors may minister to him with all their expertise. My sadness is for my daughter, his Godchild, and my mother-in-law.

My own father died maybe 12 years ago. I say maybe because it feels like last year or two years ago. He was sick for a long time. I remember going to see him at the hospital every day after work. We would take turns, my sister, mom and I. My turn was in the afternoon until dinner time and then I'd run home, make dinner, and run right back to stay with him in the evening hours. My mom and sister stayed with him all day and most of the late afternoon. This day, I read him a children's story book in Spanish "I"ll Love You Forever." It was about a mother who had a baby and she would rock him back and forth, back and forth - and she would tell him, "I'll love you forever." I changed the mother to a father for him. I asked him if he liked it and he gently nodded "yes." By this time he was so hooked up to so many machines and he was blind. It made me angry to see him this way. He was so unhappy. I told him I loved him and asked him if he loved me too. He nodded yes again. I told him I would be back later. Kissed him on the forehead and left with a heavy heart. It was going to be 4:00. For days now when I went to sleep, I could hear his heart beating. This day however when I laid down for a nap I dreamt he was floating. I woke up startled because I could not hear his heart anymore. The phone rang and it was my sister to tell he had passed away at 4:30. He had been alone. He had waited till I left and died before she got there. My sadness was great. I loved my father with all my heart.

And now we are at another crisis road in our lives. God willing my step father-in-law pulls through and I know he will have a long road of recovery ahead of him, but we will be there to help as I'm sure many people will be. All we can do is pray for him and our family. Perhaps listening to melodic music is good -- it helps ease the pain.

My Sister

I have a little sister who is my best friend. She is sweet and kind. She has a soft voice and thinks nice things about everybody. She is a blessing to me. And I love her so much.

We are years apart, but yet she understands me. When I am sad, she is sad with me. When I get excited, she gets excited, too.

I left home when she was still young, therefore, I did not get to see her through her teenage years. And for this I am sorry. I wish I had been there for her more. But that is in the past and I marvel at what she has accomplished in her life. Her husband is sweet - we love him. Her children are loving and courteous.

Today she called me -- she was concerned about the stress we were having at work because of the upheaval we recently had. I gave her the good news and she was happy for us. This is a sister -- A sister is love. Thank you, sister.

Life

Today was a better day. In fact, it was a much better day than the ones we've been having for a long time. Things are looking up at work once again. Posted some standards today -- looked at my classroom with a feeling of satisfaction like maybe this is all worth it. I love my kids - I do, but when the district gets on their high horse and thinks so little of us, then that's where things start to go downhill. I get the feeling -- no, it's more like a known fact -- we live in two different worlds. We live with teaching and caring for our little ones and they live in the world of money and the making of money. Makes me mad!

But like I said it looks like things are once again going to be on track. We have some hard working people on our side and they did their job well, including my daughter who is very union( takes after her dad :-). This battle really took a toll on us, but thank God, it looks like it's coming to a close. We can go back to the enjoyment of teaching. . . . And living.

Super Bowl this Sunday!!!! 80 degree weather!! Grilled hamburgers and hot dogs!! Enjoy the game!!!