Monday, December 28, 2009

A New Year...

A new year is upon us -- years past I used to begin the new year with the thought of what it may bring us. I would wonder about all my loved ones. What direction would their lives take them, newly married, babies waiting to be born and who would pass away. Last year did I know my sister would pass away? No, I had hoped and prayed so much for a miracle that never came.

Last year was a very sad year. It was long, but short.

I will remember the happy times, too. My youngest son graduated from high school and is going to college. He is in a relationship with a very nice young woman who we adore. My oldest son is producing 3-4 programs for tv. And our daughter has now been accepted to USC to complete her Master's Degree much to her husband's and our delight. And my husband -- Honey, you've always been here for me. . . and I thank you.

2010 -- I will not wonder anymore. I will wait with patience to see how our new year develops. I will be here for my children, my husband, and my family to love them, cherish them, help them, listen to them and pray for them. This is all I can do.

Did I lose my faith this last year? Yes, I think I did, but only for a little while for where would we be without it? Losing a family member, especially a sister is the saddest thing that can happen to anyone. She was my dearest sister and best friend. She used to make me laugh. I miss her hugs, her laughter, I miss her.

I chose the picture up above to symbolize the love I have for my husband and he for me. I have cried with him so many times and he has always been here to comfort and remind me that God loves us so. I held on to my sister's hand so much during this last year and now I will hold on to my husband's hand for the rest of my life ... and continue to adore him with all my heart.

We begin a new year with new prayers for each new morning. But one prayer is constant -- that our Good Lord continue to bless us and care for us each and every day.

I love you sister.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone. I've been on Facebook for a little while - such a nice "invention" when it comes to communicating with family and friends. I'm able to write small notes to our nephew in Afghanistan (not sure I spelled it right), to family in Maine, Idaho & throughout CA.

It's been a nice Christmas with our families. My sister is always on my mind and I miss her, but I realize we will be ok. Spend time with my mom this last week decorating my dad's grave - something I never did before, again because it was my sister who would go with my mom. It was nice. I told my mom we should probably do it earlier next year so my dad can have the decorations for a longer period of time. I'll have to make a note of it on my next year's calendar.

My sister is always in our conversations - we miss her so much. We get weepy, but then we continue with life.

Tamales are still cooking downstairs - last batch. They came out so good this year. DELICIOUS!!!!

God bless you all.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Good Morning

Today is Sunday, December the 20th. Where has the time gone? Last weekend to do any major shopping. Look how beautiful the sky looked from outside our home. I was amazed. I took the picture then went downstairs to make some coffee. Wow, it was such a gorgeous morning. We are blessed.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Christmas Lunch

We celebrated a nice Christmas lunch with my mom and little brother today. It was a beautiful day.

In past years my sister would put together a Christmas dinner and we were always present. I almost let this year go by because it didn't seem right to "celebrate" without her, however, I needed to do it for my mom. All my children went and it was such a nice afternoon. We had a good time. Lots of goodies and the lunch was delicious.

My sister would have been happy. We miss you. . . and love you.

Thursday, December 17, 2009


I have some really wonderful friends who are the most caring people I have ever known. They actually made me feel happy today -- a genuine happiness that I had not felt in a long, long time. I think I'm getting better -- a more lighter feeling of life.

Christmas is around the corner and I am feeling excited about it again. Cookies! I'm making cookies tonight -- M&M cookies for my next door neighbor teacher :). Brownies for my other neighbor teacher and chocolate chip cookies for everyone else who is near and dear to my heart. And I am watching Fa-la-la-la Lifetime while I bake!!

Christmas was my sister's best holiday -- she went all out with the decorating and baking and cooking. I will be happy for her. I love you, sister.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Sisters . . .

Currently reading "Three Weeks With My Brother" by Nicholas Sparks. A very nice book. Nicholas Sparks is one of my favorite authors. I think I've almost read everything he's written. I have his last two books waiting in line for me. Recently I saw "Nights in Rodanthe" on HBO -- I liked it a lot. His style of writing is very easy to follow and I tend to get caught up with the characters. This book "Three Weeks With My Brother" although written in 2004 was one of his books that I kind of pushed to the side because it didn't hold my interest. But then when my sister passed away I thought I would like to read it. Family - that's what it's all about. It's kept me enthralled from the first page. The love these two brothers have for each other is amazing. It warms my heart. I can't help but remember my sister and remember how dependent I was on her when we were young and even as we got older I depended on her for many things like taking care of my mother. Being there when I needed her.

Right now I am at the part where they are parting. Nicholas Sparks and his little family are moving to North Carolina (where many of his books have their settings at) and he is saying good bye to his brother. They hug each other and tell each other how much they love and will miss each other. You can feel their pain.

And. . . .

My little sister is moving back to Phoenix after this week. I will miss her so much. We went to see them on Sunday, had dinner with them, and drove by the beach. We cried, we hugged, and we told each other how much we loved each other. It's hard to let her go - our reassurance is that she's only 5 hours away. We'll be ok. The heartache of missing our sister is so evident in both of us. I understand her and vice versa. It will take time. Brothers and sisters are special, but for me, sisters are especially special. They are your best friends.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

A Lovely Birthday Dinner

Went to have dinner with the children to celebrate our oldest child's birthday. Her restaurant of choice was a sushi place here in our town. She loves this place and the owners know her and her husband so well. She said they go there once a month. The food was great and interesting. I tasted things I had never tasted before. Some of the fish was raw - I didn't take to that very well, but the sushi itself was delicious. Does that have raw fish, too? Hmmmm...

We had such a wonderful time talking and laughing. The owners were kind enough to bring us complimentary appetizers because they know our daughter and son-in-law so well. At the end of the dinner, they brought us fried ice cream -- delicious!!!! This was a surprise, too.

Such a nice time. We are so blessed.

Did I say it's been raining all day? Time to get cozy :).

Monday, December 7, 2009

Time Passes . . .

It's been awhile since I have posted. Not that I didn't have anything to say, but more that I didn't want to say anything. I go through phases in and out of thoughts -- happy - sad.

Today our first rain storm arrived and it was COLD!!! I like the rain especially if I can stay home under a warm soft blanket next to my Honey watching tv. That's ideal :). However we don't live in an ideal world so I take second best -- in my classroom with my little ones. A teacher friend of mine brought her 1st graders in with mine because one of them had thrown up in her classroom. I put a movie on about Arthur and they were so excited. I rarely show a movie -- work! work! work! I tell them :). We let them sit for a half hour to watch the whole movie. It was a nice break from the routine. I love my little ones -- they are so appreciative. I have a very good class this year.

Most of our Christmas shopping is done. We have our own children give us their Christmas lists early in November and we begin our shopping. We've been doing this for years. It began when they were small and they would cut pictures out of Toys-R-Us catalogs and glue them onto a paper. Now it's all computerized with links to the exact item -- uhhh, children -- we still like to see the actual picture with the list. No time for links! Just kidding!! We'll catch up one of these days!

We went to a Candlelight Service of Remembrance for my sister and dad this last Saturday. It was very nice but so, so sad. The words from the Pastor were beautiful, the singing touched my soul, and the pictures of our loved ones were "heartbreaking." I'm glad we went for my mom, but I don't think I can do it again. It hurts too much.

The Christmas season is upon us again. I'm trying... But like the Pastor said, "It's ok to not be ok. I'll take that and understand that it takes time. Lots of time. I miss my sister. . . They say time heals -- I'll be patient.

God bless my wonderful family and friends for being here for me. You are wonderful.

Music of the Heart

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