Sadness

Sometimes when I hear a song - a beautiful song, melodic - I feel I can fly over the treetops free of worry and sadness. Then reality sets back in and I know this is but a glimpse of wonderment. My step father-in-law, our compadre, was in a serious car accident last night. We don't know if he will make it and we leave him in God's hands that the good doctors may minister to him with all their expertise. My sadness is for my daughter, his Godchild, and my mother-in-law.

My own father died maybe 12 years ago. I say maybe because it feels like last year or two years ago. He was sick for a long time. I remember going to see him at the hospital every day after work. We would take turns, my sister, mom and I. My turn was in the afternoon until dinner time and then I'd run home, make dinner, and run right back to stay with him in the evening hours. My mom and sister stayed with him all day and most of the late afternoon. This day, I read him a children's story book in Spanish "I"ll Love You Forever." It was about a mother who had a baby and she would rock him back and forth, back and forth - and she would tell him, "I'll love you forever." I changed the mother to a father for him. I asked him if he liked it and he gently nodded "yes." By this time he was so hooked up to so many machines and he was blind. It made me angry to see him this way. He was so unhappy. I told him I loved him and asked him if he loved me too. He nodded yes again. I told him I would be back later. Kissed him on the forehead and left with a heavy heart. It was going to be 4:00. For days now when I went to sleep, I could hear his heart beating. This day however when I laid down for a nap I dreamt he was floating. I woke up startled because I could not hear his heart anymore. The phone rang and it was my sister to tell he had passed away at 4:30. He had been alone. He had waited till I left and died before she got there. My sadness was great. I loved my father with all my heart.

And now we are at another crisis road in our lives. God willing my step father-in-law pulls through and I know he will have a long road of recovery ahead of him, but we will be there to help as I'm sure many people will be. All we can do is pray for him and our family. Perhaps listening to melodic music is good -- it helps ease the pain.