Goodbye My Little Blog...

I have been thinking about my blog and the many thoughts that have gone into writing of this blog. After much thought I think I need to put it to rest. My life has gone through many transformations since I began to write in this "journal." I began to write as a way to express, "vent," and converse, if only to myself. I feel like I have "cardboard boxes filled with papers of nostalgia and these boxes are covered in dust." My heart felt burdened and heavy every time I opened my blog not knowing why I felt this way. It was no longer a joyous thing for me to do. I realized that a big majority (2 years, maybe more) of my blog was filled with the sadness of my sister's illness and death. She has been gone now for two years and in this last month I went home for her, for me. Perhaps a way to say good-bye, I don't know for sure. I missed her terribly not being there with us although I felt her in spirit. Sometimes when I open my blog I jump back to read what I wrote during her illness and it makes me very sad. I begin to question what more could I have done, how did we not see the signs, why she died so young. Then I cry. I can't do this anymore, I want to be truly happy again. "Sister, I will never forget you, I will always love you and miss you."

Thank you my little blog ~ you've been good for me. Now it's time for me to move on.

For all my loyal readers I may possibly start a new blog under a different title, but I will let you know. Thinking about it :).

Going "home..."

Going "home" is an interesting adventure. It is exciting and at the same time it can be an "aha!" moment. I had not been back for at least 24 years because there had not been a need to return. Years ago my parents moved to southern California for health reasons, bought a home, and settled here. My older sister also moved here with them. Along with my own family, my world was complete. My parents and sister continued to travel back to Idaho over the years to visit with my two little sisters who had their lives there. I saw both my little sisters and their families when they traveled here at least once a year ~ that was good enough for me.

Why did I go this time? My youngest sister ~ the baby girl of the family is sick. She may need an operation and I felt I needed to go to her this time. She cannot travel nor will she be able to for quite some time. We went for her birthday which was on July 4th :). It was very nice to spend time with her and my mom who is staying with them to help out. I felt she needed to rest more, but she was always on her feet to make sure we were alright. Not a good thing.

While she was at work, my mom took us to see our memories. The picture above is my childhood home. It looks a bit overgrown with the bushes, trees and so on. When we lived there, my dad kept the lawn neat and tidy with lots of flowers. When I saw "our home" for the first time in so many years, it was still that neat and tidy home, I didn't see the disarray. Our town is basically the same; a new high school, a few new restaurants and even a museum! Lots and lots of farmland ~ the sad, really sad part was seeing my dad's land that he used to farm. Memories. . . It's a different way of life there, a different culture, a dedication to a life I left a long time ago. I love my life now ~ I have for a long time. I remembered why I left Idaho so many years ago. It is not my life anymore. It is my sister's life and she loves it.

It was a good visit ~ it's a beautiful state ~ an amazing part of the state. I'm glad I went. I missed that my older sister was not there. I think she was there spiritually, but I would have loved to have spend time with her. She would have been so happy with me and the fact that I finally made it back "home."

Life is Good . . .

I went to see my nutritionist yesterday and although I feel a lot better, the problem still exists. This I knew. She gave me stronger drops which I hope will take care of it. I was right, I will continue to be gluten-free and have to stay away from sugary foods. The good news is that my immune system is healing, my heart is strong, I'm breathing better which helps my lungs a lot. My doctor was so happy with how I looked ~ so different from my first appointment with her. She said she barely recognized me. She said I looked happier which I definitely feel happier.

I will go for one more appointment in July and I hope to be done with this health problem. That would be so great. I think I will continue with the holistic meds, but that's just fine with me since I have so much faith in them.

I'm from the old way of thinking and rely on "grandma's teas and herbs." When regular doctors only give me creams and I tell them the problem is from the inside and they dismiss me, I had to seek outside help. I was in a bad way. Thank God for doctors like my nutritionist. I am healing from the inside out. I could never have healed from the outside in with a simple cream - idiotic!

On the bright side, I had a chicken tamal, scrambled eggs, and beans from the pot for lunch. So delicious - yum!! AND I can once again have fresh tomatoes (salsa!) and mustard & mayonnaise!
So happy!!!!

Eating my "purest" meal . . .

As I sit here eating what I call my "purest" meal of lettuce, red cabbage, broccolli, and boiled egg (oh, and for good measure I cut up a string cheese ~ tasty) I contemplate where my life is now. I'm thinner, that's for sure, and I feel better with less aches and pains.

I call my salad my "purest" meal because this is what I will eat in order to get my body back in balance especially after I've eaten something I shouldn't have ~ like bread. I see my nutritionist on Wednesday, but I have a feeling that I already know the conclusion. I think I will forever eat things that are gluten-free and sugar-free. That includes sugar substitutes. That's ok. It's the least of my worries.

I have lost 40 pounds and hope to lose 10 more by the end of June. I'm good with that. :)

But you know what I find interesting in this journey? Sometimes I see myself thinner, but for the most part I see myself as I always was - as I was before. Until I put on clothes from before and they are way too big. I'm leaving so many clothes!! I haven't bought too much because I don't think I'm done losing the weight.

And as I finish my "purest" meal I think "that was delicious!"

Hunting...

We're thinking of buying a new car ~ so cool. Check it off on the bucket list! This will be the car we retire with because after that there will be no money to buy a new one so we need to make it worth the money. We're also planning trips in the near future so a new car would definitely help. We keep borrowing our younger son's car which he so graciously lets us use, but he has plans for the summer and we don't want to inconvenience him anymore. He's become a very independent young man.

Kiwi green is a nice color. What do you think? A midsize SUV would be ideal. Someday I will have grandbabies and I will be able to drive them around in a comfy car. :) Hint! Hint!

Car sales people, however, are a different breed. They pounce on the innocent right away! All we want is a good price and that's it!!

Wish us luck!!! And good blessings.

Almost There ....

It's been a long time since I have written on my blog ~ I had to verify who I was ~ interesting :). Almost done with our school year. It's been a long, long school year. I think it's been one of the longest, hardest I have ever had. I started out the school year with five behavior problems that was reduced by one half way through the year. Children now a days are different from the children I began teaching with. I don't know what it is really. I have to think it's the fact that both parents may be working and no one is home for the children. Perhaps it's the discipline parents give in this day and age which does not exist. Lack of respect is another detriment ~ bad language seems common. So sad. I'm ready to let this group go. Don't get me wrong, I have some really sweet, respectful students and I feel for them when those four get out of hand ~ and those students I will miss.

My health has improved a lot. Finally went to see a nutritionist and she has helped me so much. Feeling so much better, but still have a way to go.

Looking forward to the day I can retire and leave the teaching to the young folks. :)

Memorial Day is around the corner. I should have report cards done by then and looking forward to a peaceful weekend.

Sadness for Japan . . .

Stressful, fear, worried, risk of radiation exposure, limited communication, financial meltdown, uncertainty, evacuate, difficulties, panic, survival efforts, empty store shelves, mudslides, ghost towns, no gas, no available resources, devestation, scary ~ all the words I heard in less than 10 minutes regarding the earthquake in Japan. So sad.

After going to the gym this morning, I decided to go to the 99 cent store and pick up supplies for an earthquake kit I'm putting together for our son and ourselves. Bought bandaids, gauze, alcohol pads, etc. Good prices. I then stopped at the grocery store to do my weekly shopping and bought a lot of water. I don't know, but all these earthquakes have got me a little jittery. Living close to Los Angeles does not quiet my fears. I know that if we get a "big" earthquake, we will definitely feel it and possible receive some major damage.

I look at the lines of people trying to get water and food and I think about the fact that this is Japan and they were suppose to always be ready ~ like us. Earthquakes are unpredictable - worse a tsunami, nevertheless, we need to be ready to the best of our ability.

I need to get a crank-up radio and "stay calm."